“The Meaning of the Verb ‘Love’”

Feb 17

February 16, 2025

1 Corinthians 13

Heart of the Rockies Christian Church

David A. Shirey

We’re continuing through the season of Epiphany. This morning we’re in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, his so-called ‘Love Chapter.’ And coincidentally, Pastor Wendy tells me this chapter is being studied by our youth this weekend at their retreat. Any epiphanies here – any insights – on the meaning of love?

Let’s begin by recognizing there are several different words translated “love” in the New Testament. The Greek language, the language of the New Testament, has four different words for four different kinds of love. There is philia (φιλία philía) as found in Philadelphia— City of Brotherly Love—the feeling of warmth and mutual regard in friendships. Storge is familial love; the love between parents and children, siblings. There is also the Greek word eros—as in our English word erotic. Passionate, sensual love. But when Paul writes of love in this chapter, 9 times by my count, the word he uses is agape – selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love.

Note this: the love Paul commends in this chapter to the members of Heart of Corinth Christian Church is something you do, not something you feel. If I understand love as a feeling, then how I treat others will change according to how I feel about them on any given day. If, however, I understand love as Thomas Aquinas defined it as “willing the good of another,” then no matter how I feel about someone, I will strive, God help me, to love them – intend the best for them – no matter what. Biblically speaking, we choose to love ... or not.

Speaking of choosing to love, disciples of Jesus Christ are called to live by what is called a love ethic. Ethics are the principles that guide how we act toward others. The fundamental question of Christian ethics is, “What does love require?”

In the 3rd century, when St. Augustine was asked by a new Christian convert how he should live, he answered, “Love and do as you please.”
In the 18th century, John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist Church summed up the love ethic by saying, “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you can.”
In 1999, the late beloved black feminist professor, author and activist bell hooks wrote her classic book titled All About Love. She defines love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing others.”[1] Love, she says, is a choice. Her book has thirteen chapters, each explicating what it means to choose to love in all sorts of realms: interpersonally, interracially, nationally, internationally.
In 2025, we’re hearing a lot about Executive Orders. Christians evaluate orders of any kind from anybody in light of Jesus’ Executive Order which is “Love God. Love your neighbor. Love your enemy.”

A Christian ethic is rooted in the will to show agape love in all relationships. In trying to decide how to act or speak in any circumstance, followers of Jesus first ask, “What does love require?”

Many of us associate Paul’s Love Chapter with weddings. Paul didn’t write 1 Corinthians to a couple engaged to be married, he wrote it to a cantankerous congregation, his problem child church. But it’s all right if we apply what he wrote to marriage and committed partnerships.

When I was a younger pastor and a couple asked me to marry them I used to size up their suitability for marriage by asking three questions: Are these two in love? Are they compatible? Are they legal? And if they cooed and giggled and blushed adoringly at each other, I’d check off in love. If they could name a shared hobby, I’d check off compatible. If they could show me a marriage license, I’d say legal and off to the altar we’d go. But now that I’m older and wiser I know that whereas falling in love, being compatible, and being legal may have something to do with why people get married, those things have little to do with why people stay married.

So, I don’t ask anymore “Are they in love, compatible, and legal?” I now ask three different questions beginning with Are these two trustworthy? Can they each be trusted to keep their word? You see, the foundation of a Christian marriage isn’t the marriage license upon which two people sign their names but the covenant of marriage to which two people give their word. A covenant is a promise. Hence, a key question to ask is, “Can these two keep a promise? Can they each be trusted to keep their word?” Marriage, you see, isn’t based on a crush but a commitment. Have you ever noticed the traditional marriage vows in their time-honored wisdom don’t ask, “Do you love him/her?” They ask “Will you love him/her?” There’s a huge difference. The question “Do you love him/her?” treats love as a feeling. But feelings are fickle. You can’t build a lasting relationship on how you happen to feel about someone at any given time. That’s why the vows ask, “Will you love?” Meaning true love is an act of the will. It’s something we promise to do even when – especially when – we don’t feel like it. “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” Paul says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” You can trust agape love.

I also ask, Are these two selfless? Are they capable of putting the other’s well-being being before their own? Paul says, “Love does not insist on its own way.” The old saw about “meeting each other halfway” just doesn’t hack it. If two people meet each other halfway in a relationship their point of connection is at the fingertips. But if both go way past halfway, giving much more than they take, subordinating their interests to the other, their grasp will be firm and the bond of their relationship will be secure. Selflessness is a key to enduring relationships.

I ask, Are these two trustworthy? Are they selfless? And Are these two able to ask for and grant forgiveness? No relationship can last apart from forgiveness. Why? Because though we’re wired for relationship, we’re incurably self-centered. One of the things I remember from my theology class in seminary is the Latin phrase coined by St. Augustine and explicated by Martin Luther to explain the human condition: incurvatus in se. Translated: We’re curved in on ourselves and away from others. Shirey’s Law of Interpersonal Physics states: When two bodies are in close proximity, there will be friction. Apply liberal doses of the lubricant called forgiveness lest friction turn into chafing, chafing turn into burning resentment, and burning resentment burst into flames, consume the relationship, and scorch both parties. Paul says, “Love is patient... it is not irritable or resentful... It bears (and forbears and forgives) all things.”

For any relationship to last, whether it be between spouses, partners, friends, neighbors, Corinth Christian Church members or Heart of the Rockies Christian Church members, trustworthiness, selflessness, and the capacity to ask for and extend forgiveness are crucial.

Now having said that, it’s time for a little personal inventory. What’s your Love Quotient? Your Agape Fitness Factor? How able are you to practice love in the biblical sense of the word? Here’s how to find out. Somebody told me a long time ago to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 aloud and substitute your name every time the word love appears and see how that sounds. Repeat after me, substituting your name where I say mine:

“David is patient; David is kind; David is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. David does not insist on his own way; David is not irritable or resentful; David does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. David bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

How does the “love shoe” fit? Let’s be honest. None of us love completely. Though we know full well we are called by Christ to choose love, even those who have wronged us, even our enemies, we choose not to.

But hear the good news of the gospel: though we fail at loving, God’s love for us is unfailing. God is always trustworthy, selfless, and forgiving. “God is patient; God is kind... God is not irritable or resentful; God does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... because as John states so succinctly, “God is love.” Though our love is imperfect, God’s love and God’s love in Jesus never fails.

Love is not a feeling, it’s an action. But ultimately, it’s not something we do. It’s something we do through – through God. We’re made able to love through opening our hearts and minds again and again, Sunday in and Sunday out, day in and day out, inviting the Holy Spirit of our risen Lord Jesus to course through us so that in all things we can do what love requires.

What did we sing together? Love, love, love, love. The gospel in one word is love.

What is the question of Christian ethics? What does love require?

What does Paul say, “Faith, hope, and love abide, these three, and the greatest of these is love.”

What do we say in such a time as this? God help us to love.

Let all God’s people say, AMEN

[1] hooks, bell (1999). All About Love: New Visions, New York: HarperCollins. p. 4.